The Board of Governors
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The ArchDuke of Sovereign Affairs
Mr. Schmuck is a man of many passions and hobbies. Rumored to require fewer than two hours of sleep per night, Mr. Schmuck maintains numerous ventures throughout the world. An avid photographer and traveler, The Archduke spent the better part of a year traversing and documenting the lakes and fjords of Scotland. With the assistance of longtime friend and Louvre museum curator Dr. Henry Louis Rett, the collection was transformed into an exhibit entitled "Lochs of Louvre" and is currently featured at the Paris museum. Having suffered a strained wrist following an incident with a deficiently crafted racquet, Mr. Schmuck founded the oft-mistaken PETA (People for the Ergonomic Treatment of Athletes), which continues to yield mailboxes full of misdirected hate-mail and animal byproducts. Despite being named the Sexiest Archduke of the Century by the Hapsburg Daily, an honor which doesn't provoke the same prestige as in years past, Schmuck has failed to gain the worldwide philanthropic renown as other men of his ilk. Instead, content with relative anonymity, the Archduke lives on his 45 acre legume farm, occupying himself with overseeing numerous societies, his calligraphy, and jousting.
You may e-mail the ArchDuke at archduke@antiquatedsporting.com.
The High Chancellor of Scribal Etchings
Not to be bested by fierce oppugnancy for his cachet, the High Chancellor inaugurated a most merciless barnstorm to thwart his opposition from seeking the title of Governorship. Previous to his august acclamation to the Chair, Mr. Way had been illustriously bedecked in Knighthood by the Royalty for his entrancing, yet effectual assuagement of a cordwainer apostasy in the District of Croydon. His queer and frequently arcane means led to an ultimate consonance between the choleric Cordwainer's Union and the Order of the Knights of St. Crispin, its American rivalry, after a feverish squabble over pelt prices. In a putative depredation of the pelt industry, Mr. Way ensured future price uniformity and encouraged decorous salesmanship by both parties. In one instance, Mr. Way gallantly encroached on a conspiratorial conclave of pelt dealers and callously interrupted their proceedings to divulge his intention to popularize Galoshes among the aristocracy unless they acclimatize treatment of both the English and the American cordwaining societies. This bravura incensed the industry but garnered a plaudit from both the Order and the Union which kindled a springboard to the resolution of the rancor. In quest of the High Chancellorship, Mr. Way betrothed correspondingly dastardly wherewithal. When accosted in verbal pettifog by Royal Vessel Leopold II, Possessor of the Dukedom of Albany, then Knight Way proposed to him a contest to behold a distant constellation through the aperture of the Royal Observatory. The contestant befuddled longest discerning the stellar configuration would be obliged to a sashay of buffoonery through the centre of London. Exacting the location within 3 minutes, Knight Way bequeathed the scope to Duke Leopold. With breathtaking guile, he clandestinely loosed thousands of pigeons from pens near the observatory. Their excrement descended upon the scope's lens, desecrating it and obscuring The Duke's inspection. Leopold II's rout and subsequent discomfiture led to the favoring of Knight Way for the Governorship.
You may e-mail the High Chancellor at highchancellor@antiquatedsporting.com.
The Grand Curator of the Exchequer
The Honourable T.D. Ryan duly concluded his 14 year tutelage under the famed Sir Ephraim Bartlesby of Derbyshire before accepting a post with the Baronage of the House of Stuarts. While under the employ of the Baronage, Mr. Ryan successfully championed an abatement of the Provincial Sundries Tax and forestall what was perceived to be an imminent counter-cyclical downturn in the sale of fanciful knick-knacks and elaborate decorative baubles. Later he focused the power of his office on the increased importation of the Tonka Bean to greater foster the growth of the emerging flavour extract industry of the Southern Fiefdoms. Deeply smitten with the delicious enhancement of extracts to her bland tea wafers, Her Majesty ceremoniously conferred upon Mr. Ryan an honourary appointment to the Imperial Counsel of Confections. Shortly thereafter, he was summoned, and later commissioned by the Sultan of Bengali to advise on the efficient industrialization of the Western regions (chiefly Kathiawar, Saurashtra and Kutch). It was during this 8 year tenure as the Chief Magistrate of Pecuniary Resources that Mr. Ryan performed his most notable work to date when he proposed the bifurcation of the Royal Coffers and issued a Writ of Appeasement to the East Meghalaya Merchant's Association, effectively quashing the 70 year Assumpsit of the 3rd Economic Counsel.
You may e-mail the Grand Curator at grandcurator@antiquatedsporting.com.
The Supreme Ambassador to the Populace
Mr. Troy's countenance, once described by the social columnist of the Swansea Cambrian as, "nebbishness and insipidity, punctuated by infrequent bursts of gin-soaked debonairness," belies a sharp wit and quiet acumen. Many believe that this demeanor is the result of an already long-lived life of roughshod habits, personal tragedy, and ironically dichotomic privilege.
The Supreme Ambassador was born in eastern Gujarat, the illegitimate product of a steamy backalley union between Her Majesty's Ambassador's wife and an American sitar student. Although he was raised under the orange awnings of the Foreign & Commonwealth Office, he grew up a bastard child whose mother was impotent in convincing her husband (who was simply impotent) to love the boy. Consequently, although his Cockney/Gujarati accent makes many confuse Master Troy for a Brit, he attained the American citizenship that was his birthright as soon as he was of age.
After obtaining a star spangled passport, the young Mr. Troy fled to the New World, vowing never to speak to his father again (but simply to cash his generous monthly allowance cheques). In America, he obtained a doctoral degree in library science in a record time for his alma mater, Yale University. His college years passed without remarkable incident except for a telling incident in which Troy was arrested by campus security, obviously intoxicated, while burning all of Melville Dewey's works advocating the Americanized spelling of the term, "card catalogue" (spelled correctly here in honor of the Supreme Ambassador). While at Yale, Troy (always the sporting enthusiast) started the campus' creag club. While unsuccessful at first (perhaps because creag is not believed to have been played since Edward Longshanks' time), this club has gained greater membership in recent times thanks to a generous foundation that Troy established to provide each club meeting with ample hard libations.
The transition from young expatriate learner to post-adolescent Doctor of Philosophy was understandably difficult for the Supreme Ambassador-to-be. A string of romances with the more eligible debutantes in southern New England consistently ended in failure, often thanks to Troy's famous drinking binges. The most famous of these ended with him buying a taxi driver (as well as his vehicle) and being driven from a gathering in Newport to the Bronx zoo, where a Daily News reporter unfortunately caught a photo of him riding an elephant (no-hands; his mitts were otherwise engaged gripping a geographically inappropriate Manhattan and a croquet mallet) and screaming, "Col, what a bender!"
Today, the Supreme Ambassador lives on an estate in upstate New York. He is employed, "when it pleases me," as a consultant to International Gutenberg Project, and he has graciously taken in the recently discovered 15-year old daughter of his erstwhile mother's brother. Friends describe his relationship to the young dancer, more than a decade his junior, as, "wholesome, affectionate, and nearly paternal." In his spare time, the Ambassador plays gentlemen's sports and contributes to the International Cousin Love Association.
You may e-mail the Supreme Ambassador at ambassador@antiquatedsporting.com.
The Esteemed Minister of Logistical Arts
The esteemed Minister began his days as a lowly serf on the northern fiefdoms of the emerald isle. Decades of hard work and struggle as the caretaker of his lordship's stables got him... of course... nowhere. His only solace were the long lonely nights spent squandering away his meagre pittance on darts and the local spirits. One Guy Fawkes day, Mr. McCann was tending to his master's stables, diligently grooming the steeds and ignoring the frolicing of the townsfolk. He pondered his future in the stench of manure and rotting hay. Just as it seemed things could get no worse, the newly married in Lady of Ulster took a fancy to the strapping young stableboy. Faster than he could swill a flagon of mead, he had become the Lady's regular consort. Thenceforth, years of fanciful merriment, hobnobbing and capricious sporting expeditiously yielded Mr.McCann land and title.
Heretofore the Minister frequently enjoys her Ladyship's company in his grandiose manor. On the occasion that she is otherwise occupied, Mr. McCann will most oft amuse himself on his sylvan acreage by training the many falcons of his aviary. He is also noted for hosting the most prestegious challenges of gentlemanly games. A dignified sportsman, and a masterful lush, the esteemed Minister commands respect on both the courts and the drinkery.
You may e-mail the Esteemed Minister at esteemedminister@antiquatedsporting.com.
The Distinguished Chevalier of the Archive
Of Mayflower material, the "Chevalier" is titular as he hails from the egalitarian lands of the colonies. Although not considered "Boston Brahmin" by most, the Chevalier's family enjoyed several centuries of success merchanting in the Boston area and residing on Beacon Hill, where they were linked closely with the Lodges, Cabots and Lowells.
In the late 19th century, the Chevalier's family permantly emigrated to their a large estate on the coast of Maine, where the family took up the leisurely life of gentleman farmers. This often left time for games such as badminton, polo and squash, which every subsequent generation in the Chevalier's line excelled at.
The current Chevalier is purported to favour racquet sports and can often be seen taking long strolls through his orchards, drink in hand, as he ponders how to properly invest the family's vast wealth in order to assure another generation shall enjoy the rich circumstances of this land of boundless opportunity. It is also a known fact that the first elephant polo match in North America was played on the Chevalier's grounds in the early portion of the 20th century. This was due in large part to a bet between he and his good friend and sometimes sporting partner Harold Stirling Vanderbilt.
You may e-mail the Distinguished Chevalier at chevalier@antiquatedsporting.com.